GRAMPS

For me, as a young boy, Gramps was a man full of vigor and manliness. He could hunt and fish, give his opinion on about any subject and discipline me when I misbehaved. He had a small house in Monroe, Washington State, and I remember trotting all over the yard in search of hiding places and hazel nuts, which I love to this day. His garage was full of old treasures, like car parts and musty trunks full of souvenirs and pictures. He knew the owner of a huge strawberry field near his home and every now and then he’d say, “Billy, we need some strawberries for dessert, go pick us a bucket full.” And off I’d go, usually with a brother or two in tow.

He loved Olympia beer, perhaps a little too well and he frequently had a cigarette or cigar at the ready. As a boy, I never thought much about whether this was good or bad; it was just Gramps. In November of 1956, Gramma Ray died. She had always been kind and loving to all of us grandkids, feeding us Eskimo Pies, fawning over us, and a tender counterpart to the gruff exterior of Gramps. Later Gramps remarried a gal by the name of Tiny, (a nickname) but it was never quite the same after that. Tiny was concerned for her own direct family and we, as the grandkids of Gramps, were largely ignored.

By the time 1980 rolled around, I was married, with four kids, in the military and stationed in Okinawa, Japan. I received in the mail the following letter from my mother, from which I quote. She was always good about writing to us and never missed a beat when it came to caring about her husband and children. I saved some of her letters and this was one of those:

“1/28/80 Monday Morn.
Dear Kids – Thought I’d get busy & write you. Xmas has come and gone and life once again is almost normal. We’ve had the flu and Gary had a tonsillectomy about 3 weeks ago & is doing fine. He had been so ill, 3 or 4 times in 2 months & lost weight & so weak, he worried us. I took him to a specialist & he decided to operate because his tonsils were real bad. Thank God, he healed fast & back to being his old self again along with a marvelous appetite. The rest of us are doing well. Hope the same at your house. Hope your Xmas was nice.
I imagine it was a very different Xmas, being in a different place. Bet the kids don’t notice or care, as long as Santa made an appearance & didn’t forget them. We always have nice Holidays as long as we’re together & have our health & love one another. You haven’t got anything without them.

Bob & Chris & Melissa were up a few weeks ago to see us & went up to Grandpa’s & Grandma’s. Dick & Deb & family were here last nite & everyone is fine. Chris’s mom is adjusting as well as can be expected, considering the situation.


I’ll get back to Grandpa who is in a very bad way. We found out a few months ago that his health was failing & he had lost lots of weight. He was incoherent for a long while & didn’t make much sense when he talked. He stayed in the hospital for a couple of weeks & then decided to take tests & X-rays of his chest. They found a large tumor on his lungs, then took a culture & found it to be malignant. They were unable to operate because it was too large. He was sent home with medication & found he was still unable to get around & listless, like he didn’t care what happened. They took him to a cancer specialist & he had him take a liquid, wait a few hours & had a scope light or rod to detect if he had cancer in the bone marrow & he was full of cancer thru his body. His liver is partially gone so are his ribs & tail bone.

His mind is sound & seems alert & doesn’t complain except to say his tail bone is sore & it’s hard to sit. His spine is affected also & hard to sleep on his back. They gave him medication & keep him heavily sedated. We haven’t any idea how long he’ll stay at home. He goes in to Providence Hospital in Everett every day for radiation treatments, which we think are worthless. The doctor told Uncle Joe that Gramps has only 2 months or less. Dad goes over to the house and stays the weekend & Uncle Joe stays the week. We hope & pray he doesn’t suffer much & that he dies a peaceful sleep. It would be a blessing. Grandma is holding her own but don’t know how long she’ll hold up to all of it. Her family is always around, especially Leona.

This will be hard on Dad & Uncle Joe & the rest of us but we’ll make it thru because we’ve got each other. We’ll make the best of the situation & do our darndest to make things flow as smooth as we can. Sorry to write you about Gramps and his condition. At this point, it was a must & important you knew how gravely ill he is.

Our weather here has been so cold & miserable. It’s hard to function, but we keep going & moving. It was 10 degrees this morning outside our Rec. Room door. The high will get to 20 degrees or a little better. Anyway, hope the kids are all fine & that Jean will get better after she sees the specialist. Write us when you can & stay happy. Our love goes out to all of you from all of us. We will keep you informed of the condition of Gramps from time to time. May God bless you all & keep you well. All my love, Mom xxxxxxx

P.S. Can’t believe Gary will graduate in a couple of months. He can’t get used to it either.”

In my journal, dated 5 Feb 1980, I wrote the following: “Got letter from my mother saying Gramps was near death with cancer. He’s been ill for some time, about two years, and yet I still remember him as the robust man with a hunting rifle in one hand and a fishing reel in the other. I idolized him as a youth. He’s just a shell now of what he was then and it saddens me.”

Gramps actually lasted till May of 1980 before he passed away. I finally got permission to go back to the States on leave but by the time I arrived, I had missed the funeral, even though I was on the funeral program as one of the pall bearers. I truly believe that I’ll see Gramps and Grandma and mother and other loved ones and friends in the next life and look forward to a pleasant reunion, leaving behind this “veil of tears” life, that temporarily holds us.

FOR THE LOVE OF MUSIC

Mother was a beautiful singer. I’m told that before I was born, she sang in nightclubs and later, I remember her singing in the church choir. Often, she would sing as she worked about the house, and the melodies were often popular tunes of the day. I never recall her working outside the home. She had plenty to do just looking after us seven kids.

Perhaps her favorite singer was Perry Como, “Oh There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays,”
followed by Dean Martin singing, “When the moon hits a your eyes like a big pizza pie, that’s amore,” and maybe Frank Sinatra’s, “Night and Day.” They all had the Italian influence, just like Mama. Sometimes she would sing in Italian and would get thrilled when we would try to repeat some of the words. Her life was hard, with her share of drudgery and sadness as well as laughter and joy. Sometimes we kids could get her really happy by telling jokes or doing silly things but her face would really shine when Dad was around. They didn’t always agree but Dad did his best to keep her smiling. It was during those times that she would sing the most.

After dinner, she’d clean up the kitchen and we’d try to help her sometimes, but mostly it was mama who looked after household chores. By the end of the average day, she was pretty exhausted and she’d head for the couch to watch Lawrence Welk or Dinah Shore or Rosemary Cloony. Each of them had their own TV music shows. They seem pretty corny by today’s standards but they were a big treat back then. Sometimes, late at night, we’d watch movie specials with the theme song from, “The High and the Mighty.” All the shows were in black and white and when color TV came out, it was quite a deal.

Mom was very interested during the music shows but they were usually followed by shows like Gunsmoke or Have Gun, Will Travel or Dr. Kildare and these didn’t appeal to her as much and soon she was fast asleep. The next day would start early for her, getting Dad’s lunch, our kids breakfast and lunches and an early start on house cleaning, so she slept when she could. I firmly believe that her love of music softened her load a little. She was always there for us, cleaning our clothes, fixing great meals, with a song in her heart and we just thought everyone’s Mom was like that. As we grew older, we found out how fortunate we were.

Today, I share that heritage and love of songs that she taught us by example. Our kids have beautiful voices and I remember our daughter Suzy in the band, with the clarinet, our Son Scott, playing the trumpet and singing in the barbershop quartet group and our other son, Dan, singing in a choral group where he eventually married a girl who sang in high school with him. Our daughter, Metta, my wife and I sing mostly in the shower with perhaps an occasional choir number thrown in over the years. Our daughter, Melony, has a beautiful soprano voice and sings to her daughter.

There’s something consoling and stress relieving about singing, but for us, it had its roots with Mama.